Tugging at my Heart Strings

My life is...full of tears, and wonder and yearning. Full of stress and fear and anxiety. Life isn't ALWAYS worth living. Today, all life is about is money, which is sad, cause there are too many people living with not enough of it, so they won't live their life because of that deficiency. I wish I could go back to the times when everything was innocent, when money wasn't the issue, when I could sleep, and play and not worry about how I'll get anywhere, when my parents weren't fighting, when things were stable, when I knew what fun was, when I didn't worry if I'd make it another day in this world. Life is too much nowadays. As soon as humanly possible I want to get out of here, and get far far away at that. To escape everything that ever hurt me here and start all over. ANYWHERE but here. I can't say I can thank my parents for anything, they've been nothing but rude and inhospitable to me this year, so what thanks do they deserve other than the thanks for letting me live here long enough to meet my very serious boyfriend? They deserve none. So what, you may ask, got me through?


Well you'd never expect it to be a boy, would you? I know, typical of a lonely girl in yet another new town, but this is different. This isn't just a boyfriend situation anymore, this is more, much much more. Patrick Dmitri Mireles, love of my life, my psychologist, my keeper, my life support, the air I breathe and the light I see, the voice in my head that puts me at ease, the arms I run into when I'm scared, when I'm weak, when I can't stand on my own two feet again. He's my EVERYthing. I couldn't leave even if my life depended on it. Most people are brought together because of a crush or acceptance or physical beauty, but this was different, it's deep down inside of me like a magnet inside of me that can't help but to stay attached to the other side, and that's what we have. I can't stand to be away from him, because when I am, everything gets to me, like how lonely I really am, what horrible parents I have, and all the mistakes I've made and all the time I've wasted going through the same things over and over again. It also gives me time to realize what a pointless life I have, sitting at home waiting for another day to come. Waiting for something better to happen, but that day never comes. There's always arguing, there's always crying, there's always the feeling of hopelessness like I'll die before anything even comes close to getting better, before I get the chance to get out of here. But that's what he's for, he's there to reassure me, to put a smile on my face when the world wants to hang me upside down. But he's there, waiting for me, wanting to make me happy and be with me all the time. I don't even deserve half of what he gives me, but that's never stopped him, and all I have to thank for him is heaven. I know things will get better, somewhere far below my skin I believe it, but the wait is so long, I doubt I can make it most of the time. At least I have him though, my saviour, the one man who, to this day, has done all he could for me, through my best and worst. Thank you baby, you're my angel. I love you, always.

The End is Near

Senior prom, graduation, freedom, summer, college, real world. It's all happening so fast. As children, we all look forward to this day, but do we ever stop to realize about all the work we're stressed to do when this year comes? I surely didn't. This whole year snuck up on me, surprised me, and zoomed right by me. My life flew by, and in fact it still is speeding past me. I'm so worried about college, and what my life will be like after I leave high school, once I leave this miserable town. I figured things would go much, much smoother. They didn't. I've had one job, that lasted only a month, I don't have a car, I live with my parents, who still don't get along, and I want to get out of here. I settled for a piece of shite community college in Corpus Christi, one of the crappiest cities I've ever lived in, because I just couldn't separate from my boyfriend, Patrick, quite obviously the love of my life. I still wonder what it would be like if I hadn't decided to stay. If I would've kept my plans to go off to college, far far away, and never look back. Right now, if I had the ability to take him with me, I'd still do it in a heartbeat. It's too late now though, we're so much alike except that he'd like nothing better than to stay close to his family, and I can't take that away from him, no matter how desperately I want out of here. I assume after he gets out of college at STVT it will be much easier to sway him to leave with me, maybe just out of this town at first, like to San Antonio or San Marcos, just away from HERE. I want to start MY life somewhere else. This isn't going to be the normal summer vacation anymore, from here on out it's hard work, cause the real world is coming to hit me in the face and I have to be prepared, whether that's what I want or not. We're not kids anymore, it's time to make our own beginnings, our own living, time to get our own place, and make our own family and I think there's a little part of me that's still terrified to accept it, a little part that's still afraid of the unknown. Who knows if I'll make it through college, if I'll get married, or if my marriage even lasts like I always dreamed I wanted it to. They say life is beautiful, but there's so much to worry about, so much that has the potential to kill us on the way, THAT is what I fear most. Not making something of the days I do have,of not being a good enough girlfriend, of not getting a good job so I can provide for my boyfriend, my future husband, my future children and myself, of falling down and not knowing how or when I'll get back up, if I'll be a good wife, a good nurse, a good mom a good person. If I'll be worth anything to anybody in 5 years, if my friends will still be as close to me as I remember, if I'll have no regrets about my life, if I'll be happy, if I'll struggle, if I'll prove myself and not be a failure like I'm so convinced that I am. I wanna know, and be sure. I don't want to go another day not knowing, nor do I want to wait a day longer to start living. We never realize how fast our life passes us by, but I hope this helps, I hope spilling this all out will get some of it off of my chest so I can move past it and stop letting it be a handicap. So my goal is to stop letting all the hype get to me, to calm down and breathe, to take a breather and enjoy what's left. No more lingering doubts and worries, just today in mind, because God-willing tomorrow will come.

Van Warming?

So my 40+ year old van apparently "needs a housewarming gift" But since the "house" is really on wheels aka "van" it's a VAN WARMING GIFT! ha ha ha. And what would you consider a van warming gift? Geez, who knows. Since there's not really a rule book of special, must-have van warming gift idea, we're getting...

Cholos the Chinchilla

(a chinchilla and a hedgehog, in case you weren't sure)

The chinchilla is MINE, and I'll name him Cholos, like Carlos...but not. Now for the hedgehog (that I'm kind of afraid to have anywhere near me because it has SPIKES!) is not named yet, because that would be up to the crazy, infamous, ChriSTINA to decide. I believe it's going to be something entirely random and out of the blue, or maybe a crazy, oddball name from a movie or something. Yes, I will bet on that. ha ha ha. So basically, I am VERY, SUPER, MEGA, HELLA, WICKED excited for ECLIPSE to come out, because I'm one of the millions of teenage girls that am close to obsessed with it (yeah yeah yeah, whatevaaaa) && the plan is (if I'm home in time *crosses fingers*) we're going to the midnight premier. Minus the camping trip at the park. HA! and it's going to be the most fun i've had since "solitary confinement" in L.A. mmhm that's right, I'M COMIN' OUT, I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW, I'M GONNA LET IT SHOW. (I think that's Janet Jackson's song, from like a decade ago?) so anyways, I'm going to go play Farmville now. (Mooooooooooo) ha ha ha because I have no life.

P.S. That's not my farm, mine is WAY more awesome d'oh!

Lots of love and pretty farmville flowers with strawberries on top <3

Hey There, Stranger

What's your name again? hahaha just kidding. It's only been MONTHS since i've talked to you (random/unknown person reading my blog) I just finished school yesterday, yes I sure did. I'm now (finally) a senior in high school, along with my twin brother(s) (I have no idea what one of them is doing, 'cause he likes to disappear off the face of the earth like that) but anyways, I really && honestly don't know what i'm babbling about right now. OH! I GOT NEW MAKEUP BRUSHES, well my first makeup brushes, ever (not counting my kabuki brush thing for my face powder) and it makes such a HUGE difference like you can not even believe! I feel more like Kandee already! A-MAZ-ING! Anyways, at this very moment I am talking to the famous, one && only, ChriSTINA "Stinka" who is my sunshine/other half and we are planning on buyingggggggg

Mmmhm, ain't she a beaut. (I honestly kinda like it ha ha ha) and we're going to spray paint stencils and pretty, sparkly things all over it, and we're going to make it a house on wheels (minus the bathroom and kitchen and you know) and my steering wheel will be covered in glitter and rhinestones and we'll have zebra seat covers and everything. YEAH BAYBEE (Austin Powers voice, again)I guess, since i'm just rambling in my excited, anxious, 5 yr old on the first day of school way i'm going to finish this (once and for al ha ha ha) so goodnight and have a wonderfully, amazing day/night (it's 5 o'clock somewhere) (:
<3

Tim Buck (Day) Two

Kandee Johnson, truly inspirational, purely amazing, that light spilling in from the doorway. She is absolutely && entirely lovely in every way possible. If ever I had a bad day, it didn't last long because of...(drumroll please) Ms. Kandee! She's just a big ball of sunshine-y joy && I can't get enough of it. Alright, back on track now that i've confessed my love for her. Basically, this is our last free year of High school (our as in me and my two sidekicks) && two of the three of us have our eyes set on one college, because finally we found the perfect match: reasonable cost, good location, majors, recognized. BUT, our third musketeer wants to be...a make-up artist. BAH! How in the world will we find a school for her!? I've been searching for schools for her high and low && quite frankly google doesn't like to give me what I want, so now i'm coming here and to every social networking outlet I can get my boney fingers on && asking, searching, questioning and filling out info request forms in my name for my friend. && call me crazy but it's what I feel I have to do, right now, this very instant and I will not stop until I get some type of information whether it be big or small or just something, anything please. So search criteria looks something like this:
Location: Texas (Bryan/College Station preferably)Area of Study: Make-up artistry (She really loves that oh so much and would love to have the oppurtunity to give everybody outer beauty everyday of her angelic life)
Cost: Not extremly top of the Empire State Building high, but it doesn't have to be super low either, in one word; reasonable.
&& that's about all i'm going on at the moment, any and everybody, I am asking YOU, yes YOU to fuel my little machine that I thought ran on love and sunshine and bubbles but really takes brains and connections and extremely hair frizzing, eyelash curling work instead. So, why not share the load? So go ahead & give me your all.
Any little bit helps.
myspace.com/jonasbrogirl
facebook.com/guinivereridley
twitter.com/genaxwithxlove
formspring.me/genaxwithxlove
stickam.com/queenxguinivere
aim: queenxguinivere
msn: kidzjmg65@yahoo.com
ANYTHING. <3
Have a beautiful day.

"Live your life knowing you are loved, beautiful & worth it"

Day One

Hello, && good evening. Okay, so i'm sitting here at my computer as I always am because my life is centered right here with mister Hewalt Packard & i'm trying to figure out this blogging thing because honestly i've always wanted to do this & i've had a few requests to make video blogs and all sorts of things but I just don't see myself doing it, i'd rather just type away and ramble to whoever may be following me, of all people. I am definitely addicted to Kandee Johnson & her wonderful makeup videos. SUBSCRIBE TO HER ON YOUTUBE (Kandee Johnson). and i'm very much excited to go get new makeup so that I can actually DO some of the makeup tricks/ideas that she does because they are oh so pretty and she just makes my life that much managable. I would go on and tell you about whatever is going on in my "life" right now, but I think i'll save it for..hmm maybe tomorrow (: Daily blogger, yes I am. Well, I will be. I guess this is it for now, since i'm entirely too occupied with youtube vids at the moment, so i'll hop off now. Have a wonderful night. Sweet dreams <3